Mrs. Sunshine (If It Doesn't Feel Like Sunshine, It's Not Love)

Love is sunshine on my body,
warming my bones and bronzing my skin,
filling my heart with mmm, mmm good
If it doesn't feel like sunshine,
then it's not love

Love is holding a sweet baby,
cuddling with a child,
wrapped in that full, safe and warm
comfort in the chest and belly

Love is hearing one of my favorite songs come on,
and I’m sure it is a love note from God
because He knows it would make my moment

Love is almost like eating ice cream
which is ohhh, so good
but that’s probably just a chemical thing

Love is talking to a dear friend,
the kind with so many “remember whens”
and having a real connection
even though you haven’t talked in months
or maybe just yesterday

Love is kneeling in prayer,
anytime, anywhere
and pouring out my heart in whatever state it’s in—
and knowing God knows it already
and holds it carefully

Love is choosing to respond with an open and loving heart
even when I want to close shop
and give up for a while because “this just is not working.”

Love is seeing beauty in the clouds
when what I wanted was sunshine
Being stood up on a "hot date"
is always a disappointment
but it’s easy to forgive the sun
I know he’s always there
and the clouds won’t last forever

1.17.11

I’m Not Mother Teresa (but I Am a Latter-day Saint)

Sometimes it’s so hard to love myself
My potential for self-destruction scares me
I see it
I know it
And I fight it
Should I make a friend or an enemy with my shadow?

When I am disgusted with and fear myself
my heart is closed and I’m not loving others
Rather, I compare myself—fall into the trap—
and there can never find satisfaction

Judging others I do only because I am
judging myself
I know this
I judge myself for judging
And sink deeper into the trap

While a youth, I discovered a beautiful antidote in service
Losing myself by helping others
is when I am happiest and feel my best
and puts me on the path to achieving my positive potential

There are many questions I ask myself
to be clear in my motives
Truly helping is doing what needs to be done for that person or group
Not because I have something to prove
And sometimes it is saying “No”
or doing the hard thing with a soft heart

Can I do this for myself?
And still hold loving space within
when I don’t?

I’m not seeking admiration, just love and understanding
I’m not Mother Teresa
(but I am a Latter-day Saint)
And when you pedestalize me, I’m sure it’s out of respect
though sometimes with a little resentment
and it feels divisive,
doing nothing to bring us closer.
I’m not out to save the world
I can’t even save myself

As with all things there is a season,
so it is with giving and receiving.
Sometimes it is a service to receive
So someone else has opportunity to give.

The greatest blessing is to know
I’ve been a blessing to another—
Not as an unreachable Mother Teresa,
but as your loving friend
Sometimes I need to ask for help
humble myself
and give you opportunity for more blessings

I see choices between paths to potentials
The one of service or that of self-destruction
Both are familiar
And I sometimes walk them simultaneously
I’m no Mother Teresa
but I am a Latter-day Saint
I just want love and understanding—and respect

1.29.11