I’m Not Mother Teresa (but I Am a Latter-day Saint)

Sometimes it’s so hard to love myself
My potential for self-destruction scares me
I see it
I know it
And I fight it
Should I make a friend or an enemy with my shadow?

When I am disgusted with and fear myself
my heart is closed and I’m not loving others
Rather, I compare myself—fall into the trap—
and there can never find satisfaction

Judging others I do only because I am
judging myself
I know this
I judge myself for judging
And sink deeper into the trap

While a youth, I discovered a beautiful antidote in service
Losing myself by helping others
is when I am happiest and feel my best
and puts me on the path to achieving my positive potential

There are many questions I ask myself
to be clear in my motives
Truly helping is doing what needs to be done for that person or group
Not because I have something to prove
And sometimes it is saying “No”
or doing the hard thing with a soft heart

Can I do this for myself?
And still hold loving space within
when I don’t?

I’m not seeking admiration, just love and understanding
I’m not Mother Teresa
(but I am a Latter-day Saint)
And when you pedestalize me, I’m sure it’s out of respect
though sometimes with a little resentment
and it feels divisive,
doing nothing to bring us closer.
I’m not out to save the world
I can’t even save myself

As with all things there is a season,
so it is with giving and receiving.
Sometimes it is a service to receive
So someone else has opportunity to give.

The greatest blessing is to know
I’ve been a blessing to another—
Not as an unreachable Mother Teresa,
but as your loving friend
Sometimes I need to ask for help
humble myself
and give you opportunity for more blessings

I see choices between paths to potentials
The one of service or that of self-destruction
Both are familiar
And I sometimes walk them simultaneously
I’m no Mother Teresa
but I am a Latter-day Saint
I just want love and understanding—and respect

1.29.11