Testosterone-Deficient Blues

One of my favorites and most-requested. Some day it will be set to music.

Oh man, oh man
Every day’s the same
Not a one to be seen
They don’t even know my name

These are the testosterone blues
(sing it, sistah)
of a wisely innocent chick
who’s almost got it all—
minus her soulful romantic

Listenin’ to sappy love songs,
wistful for the day
when my knight with big strong arms
holds my hand without delay

One just caught my eye who
loves music, to travel and run
True mushroom—you know, a “fun guy”
Sense of humor and charitable bar none

He’s kind and bright
and boy, is he cute
A perfect match, right?
Except that now I’m a mute!

Why do I get this way?
It’s such an irony
that when I have no interest
it’s easiest to be me

Am I defective?
Or are his eyes veiled?
Is this how I have to live?
Have I somehow failed?

I don’t pretend to have any answers.
Well, okay, I’ll pretend.
I could say, “boys are dumb”
And hold “I hate men weeks”
(but never hold men)

These are the testosterone blues
of a wisely innocent chick
who’s almost got it all—
minus her soulful romantic

Mom says I have to flirt—
bat my eyes,
lower my head
act sly and coy
while my cheeks blush red

But it just ain’t natural
Ya know what I mean?
Pretending to be some game-playing queen

Instead I’m tongue-tied
Scared out of my wits
Feeling queasy awkward
and stuttering like a ditz

Some day it will happen
My dreams will come true
I’ll talk to that hunk of mine
And he’ll get a clue

My love won’t be thwarted
It will blossom and grow
We’ll be open and share
till we can’t talk no mo’

When that special day comes
I’ll be having fun still making friends
Much patience I’ll have learned

and I’ll be wearing Depends.

April Murdock
8.13.02 / 11.18.03