Patiently Active
Sometimes the tears come
when I don’t want them
but they wash over me
spilling from red-rimmed eyes
nearly swollen shut from heartache
that somehow found its way
from my belly to my mouth
with my sobs and salty tears
I said I didn’t want to cry
unless it was productive
I promised the Lord I would give Him my heart
I know He wants me to marry
but I’ve been convinced that my fate
is to continue my heartache and crying
so I choose to avoid close relationships
and alone find relative peace—
rather than accept the inevitable pain
with its fairy-tale promise of joy
Thus I’ve been deceived
wrapped in my tight cocoon
avoiding all that I fear
But as any cocoon will someday realize
that into a butterfly it will metamorphize
so too will I branch out into the sky
and to fly I must stretch my wings
I don’t know if my tears built my cocoon
or if now they are melting it down
while patiently active I’m learning to be
even happy in this in-between state
8.21.09
Sometimes the tears come
when I don’t want them
but they wash over me
spilling from red-rimmed eyes
nearly swollen shut from heartache
that somehow found its way
from my belly to my mouth
with my sobs and salty tears
I said I didn’t want to cry
unless it was productive
I promised the Lord I would give Him my heart
I know He wants me to marry
but I’ve been convinced that my fate
is to continue my heartache and crying
so I choose to avoid close relationships
and alone find relative peace—
rather than accept the inevitable pain
with its fairy-tale promise of joy
Thus I’ve been deceived
wrapped in my tight cocoon
avoiding all that I fear
But as any cocoon will someday realize
that into a butterfly it will metamorphize
so too will I branch out into the sky
and to fly I must stretch my wings
I don’t know if my tears built my cocoon
or if now they are melting it down
while patiently active I’m learning to be
even happy in this in-between state
8.21.09
1 comment:
My commentary in my journal the night I wrote this poem:
Tonight I birthed a new poem child and it felt so good. It's named, "Patiently Active," and while the gestation was difficult and a long time coming, this prize product of my pain eased into being with a fluidity every mother envies.
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